Use The Potty

Before Starting Potty Training:

1. Read books and watch videos about potty training-

   • Normalize going to the bathroom, and pointing out that it happens to all living things. Depending on their age and interest, there are a variety of different types of book and video resources that can walk a child through the steps of potty training, normalize that all animals go to the bathroom, or that are just pure fun.

2. Model going to the bathroom and point out animals in nature going to the bathroom-

   • You can model how you can listen to your body’s signals. For example, “My body is telling me that I have to pee. I am going to the bathroom. I feel so much better! Thanks body!”

   • You can also point out goose poop, or dog poop as you encounter it in the community. For example, “Look! A goose had to go potty and they made a pile of poop on the sidewalk! Geese don’t know how to use the potty like we do.”

   • Make sure that you model good hygiene as well and narrate the process as necessary (“I am going to flush and then wash my hands to stay healthy.” and “I am not going to touch the dog poop because it has germs in it.”)

3. Engage in imaginative play about potty training-

   • Children learn through play. Helping them act out what to expect during potty training can help build confidence and reduce fear about what to expect. Consider using some toys to help your child learn the vocabulary related to going to the potty, better understand the sequence of events, and act out the process before trying it for themselves.

Starting Potty Training: Once you have determined that your child is showing signs that they are ready to potty train, we need to prepare them for the transition to big kid underpants:

1. Prepare your supplies- While you don’t need a lot of fancy supplies to potty train, it can be helpful to collect a few items to make the potty training process easier.

• Get either a standalone child sized potty, or a child sized toilet seat that can be used on your regular toilet.

• Make your bathroom child accessible so that they can be a “big kid” and turn on the lights, get on the toilet, and wash their hands all by themselves.

• Set up your reward system (sticker charts, a prize box, etc.) so that when your child has their first success they can get their reward right away (young children don’t understand an IOU reward!).

• You should plan on your child having accidents initially, so having a bunch of extra underpants and pants at the ready is very helpful.

2. Talk to your child about what will be happening and when-

• Talk to your child about what will be happening, and what it will look like. Explain the expectations (“We will try to use the potty lots of times throughout the day”) and describe the process (“We will set the timer, and try to potty when the timer goes off”). Visuals (pictures or drawings) can help to spell out the expectation of using the bathroom each time, so that it is clear and consistent. This can be a step-by-step picture guide so that a child sees what they have to do each time. The routine should also be the same regardless of who brings the child to the bathroom. Make sure that all caregivers know the routine and use the same words and rewards. This includes choosing which words you will use for going to the bathroom, and names of body parts.

• Make sure that you let your child know that trying something new can be hard, and that it is normal to have accidents sometimes.

• Explain whatever reward system you choose (earning stickers, prizes, special outings to a favorite park, etc.), and how they can earn those rewards. Early on, you want to try and help children to earn rewards relatively quickly and frequently so that they have buy-in and want to keep trying to earn more rewards. You can start to space them out as they have more practice, but keep in mind, waiting an entire week to earn a reward is hard for a 2-4 year old!

• When you and your child have decided together when to start potty training, you can mark a date on the calendar and create a countdown so that your child knows when you will start.

3. Give your child some control- This step is crucial so that your child feels like they are on “Team Potty Training,” and not that they are being dragged along for the ride.

• Let your child pick out big kid underpants with their favorite characters on them, letting them select a reward/reward chart that they like, or letting them choose a special toy to play with in the bathroom.

• Please note that while your child still may not “want” to participate in potty training, feeling like they have some control in the process can make a big difference.

• Try to validate your child’s mixed emotions related to the potty while maintaining the boundary. For example “I hear you that you like your diaper and you don’t want the potty. It can be scary to try something new. I will help you. Can you choose a new special toy that you will get to play with when you sit on the potty?”

• Instead of asking if they want to use the bathroom, you can state the boundary and then give them control over how they get to the bathroom, or which book to read. For example, “The timer went off, it is time to go to the potty. Do you want to pretend to be a train or airplane to get to the bathroom?”

• Most children love to be independent! Try to set up the bathroom experience so that your child can do most things by themselves. This means modifying the bathroom so that your child can turn the lights on by themselves, climb a sturdy step stool to get onto the toilet by themselves (under your watchful eye), and can turn on the faucet by themselves.

• Dress your child in clothes that they can pull up and down on their own. Keep in mind that even though your kiddo may love to wear dresses, the fabric may get in the way when they try to sit on the toilet. Consider putting them in t-shirts so that they don’t accidently go to the bathroom onto the dress.

4. Increase likelihood of success-

• Stick to a very clear and consistent schedule with frequent bathroom attempts throughout the day.

• Increase the amount of liquids that your child is drinking so that they will have to go more frequently during the day. With more fluid in their system, the more chances they will have to have some success! Visual timers can be used both to keep a consistent schedule for bathroom breaks (every 30 minutes, or every 45 minutes, etc.), and in the bathroom to ensure that they are sitting on the toilet for long enough that they might have success. Many children will try to sit on the toilet for a second and then hop off and say that they are done. A visual timer can help children to track how much longer they need to sit on the toilet.

• Keep in mind that often our bodies have a rhythm for when we need to use the bathroom. See if you can time going to the bathroom to when they would typically have a bowel movement (ex. 20 minutes after eating, or when they first wake up from nap).

• Try to keep a step stool under their feet to not only keep them stabilized, but to put their body into a position to encourage a bowel movement to occur. Current research suggests that sitting with knees bent, ideally higher than your hips, and feet flat on the floor (or on a stepstool) can help to put your colon in the position to release a bowel movement.

5. Make it fun!- Even adults like to read and play games on their phones while sitting on the toilet, so why would children be any different?

• Keep a stack of books in the bathroom that you can read while your child is sitting on the toilet. These could be potty related books, or just some engaging books that will help keep your child occupied and relaxed.

• Have an activity bin with toys and games that your child can play while they are on the toilet. Keep in mind that you do not want activities with small pieces that could potentially fall into the toilet (ask me how I know…), so try to select activities that are all one piece.

• The act of blowing while sitting on the toilet can help the body release urine and bowel movements. So, consider adding a pinwheel or bubbles to your bathroom activity bin to get things flowing!

• There are some other fun motivators to get your child to try using the toilet. There are stickers that reveal a picture when peed on (good for use in a standalone child-sized potty, or a low flow regular toilet as a “target”). There are also little colorful fizzing tablets that can be placed in the toilet and will fizz when a child pees on them. See “Reward Charts and Motivators” section below for a curated list of products.

6. Create bathroom success out in the community- Public bathrooms can be scary for children. They can be loud, crowded, dirty and stinky. To set your child up for success, when you leave the house you can bring along a small tote bag with some supplies for public bathrooms.

• Noise reduction headphones can help to block some of the noise of the many toilets flushing.

• Many children are fearful of the automatic toilet flush. The sensors often don’t recognize that a child is there, and then will flush unexpectedly. This can be alarming because the child feels the water splash, it was a surprise, and it can be loud. You can either block the sensor with your hand, or bring along a sticker that you can put over the sensor and peel off when you are done. This will trick the sensor into thinking that someone is there the entire time your child is on the toilet, and then when your child is off the toilet, you can remove the sticker and the toilet will flush. Give your child a heads up that it will flush so that they can cover their ears if they’d like.

• If you are on the road or at a park without access to a bathroom, you can keep a portable travel potty in your car so that in an emergency you can set it up and help your child keep up their using the potty streak! See “Items for Car Trips or Public Restrooms” section for a curated list of products.

7. Check-in about successes and things to change- Throughout the process of potty training, it can be helpful to check in and see if there are consistent things that are working and things that are a struggle every time.

• Is your child having success having a bowel movement right after breakfast? Make sure that you are maintaining that as a time to go to the bathroom.

• Is your child screaming every time you use wipes? Maybe your child doesn’t like the cold, wet feeling of the wipes, and having a wipe warmer would help them.

• Do they have a lot of anxiety about the sound of the toilet flush? Initially, maybe you could have them leave the room before you flush, or have them wear noise reduction headphones.

• Is your child struggling to sit on the toilet for long periods of time because of a reduced attention span? Try to complete some heavy work activities (jumping, climbing, going on a swing) before going to the bathroom to help calm their body and increase the likelihood that they can sit for longer. And, if your child likes it, you can provide squeezes on their arms and body to provide some sensory input while they are seated.

• Is your child complaining that it hurts to go to the bathroom? Make sure that your child is drinking extra fluids (water and juice), and eating lots of fiber such as pears, peas and plums for softer bowel movements. Once your child has had a painful bowel movement, it can make it scary for them to go to the bathroom again for fear they will have pain again. Please refer to the RESOURCES section for more information about what to do if your child is having difficulties, or if you are noticing that your child is purposely holding in their urine and/or bowel movements.

• Does your child insist on only using one bathroom, and won’t use others in the house? Try to figure out why they prefer that bathroom so that you can potentially try to make all of the bathrooms enticing . Do they like the smell of the soap in that bathroom? Is it a better temperature (some bathrooms always seem too hot or too cold)? Are the lights dimmer? Is it quieter (no automatic fan)?

• Does your child hate sitting on the toilet seat? Some of the plastic child-sized toilet seat covers do not fit over the seat well and can make the child feel unstable. Others can feel cold and hard. Consider a solid foam toilet seat that is softer and more comfortable. Avoid toilet seats that are multiple pieces, though, because they inevitably get bodily fluids in little crevasses and your bathroom ends up smelling like a subway (I learned this the hard way!).

Please refer to the BEHAVIOR DECODER section below if you are having some challenges and are looking for more strategies, and the recommended BOOKS, TOYS and SUPPORTS, and VIDEOS sections below for vetted products and videos. Additionally, please use the RESOURCES section for more information about signs your child is ready for potty training, and tips specifically geared for training children with special needs and/or limited language.